You Can’t Outsource Your North Star Decision
I recently had to decide between two job offers. I hate saying that it was a difficult time, because I know it is an enviable position to be in. But I struggled to make a decision. I made lists and spreadsheets galore. I talked to my husband, friends and mentors about the decision ad nauseam. I agonized. I thought-spiraled about the implications of making the “wrong” decision. It was not a fun experience.
In the end, I chose. However the lesson for me in this process was not about if I made the right choice. It is how I went about making the choice.
What am I optimizing for?
The reason that this decision was so difficult for me was because I was not clear on what I wanted when I went into making the decision. I knew that I wanted to leave my job at the time. I also knew why I wanted to leave my job at the time. However this is not the same as knowing what you want out of your next role. Your career desires should always be phrased in the positive (“I want to make a minimum of $6,000 a month so that I can afford to rent a place in a better part of town”) not the negative (“I do not want to work at a place with a delusional leadership team”). Couching your career search in “I don’t want” statements makes it very difficult to narrow several good options down.
You also can’t optimize for everything at once. I would love a job that challenges me intellectually, only requires me to work between the hours of 10 AM and 3 PM, and pays me $500,000 a year. I haven’t found that job yet (if you do though, holla at ya girl!). Because life is full of tradeoffs, you have to pick the things that matter most to you based on what you need and desire right now.
How do you arrive at knowing what you want? Intentional time spent reflecting. Nothing can replace it. It is also a very hard thing to do while job searching. We are told to measure our job search progress in terms of tasks completed -- number of jobs applications, number of exploratory coffee chats, number of resume edits. However this effort is all moot if you do not have a North Star. How do you get to that North Star? Start by reflecting on answers to a few questions:
What do I value in life? How can my career reflect those values? For example: I really value my mental health right now. After a challenging few months, I want a job that challenges me intellectually at work while (more importantly) leaving time for me to workout, prepare meals for myself, go to therapy and read. I also need a job that provides the pay for me to afford workout classes, therapy and organic groceries.
Given my values, what are some short-term goals I have for myself? How can my career help enable these goals? I would love to get my anxiety under control. Given this, a positive, reaffirming work culture is critical.
You can’t outsource the decision
Sometimes, even after reflecting and knowing what we want, we seek external validation that what we want is right. This tendency is where strong career decisions go to die. There is nothing wrong with getting opinions from people you trust. However your mentors cannot make the decision for you.
This desire to seek affirmation is often rooted in fear. You don’t want to make the wrong decision. And how can you make the right decision when you aren’t sure what will happen down the line? But you don’t have to know what you want to do in 15 years to think strategically about your career right now. Do not be afraid to make the decision that makes the most sense right now based on what you want right now.
If you have no idea how you’d get started with the reflection needed to chart your next career move, career coaching might make sense for you! Click here to book an introductory call.
